Increasing your pleasure increases your vitality, and increasing your vitality increases your pleasure.
This set of exercises were inspired by the Spring Equinox. (For the backstory, see “Which Comes First, Vitality or Pleasure?”) Spring is a time when words like renewal, rebirth, vibrancy and vitality find their way into our conversations and our consciousness more frequently. This makes Spring a prime time to focus on bringing more pleasure into our lives, and I believe that with intention we can welcome more pleasure at any time of the year.
Before we can add pleasure we need to know what brings us pleasure. This is not always an easy thing to answer and it can be even harder to communicate this desire even to ourselves.
This activity is designed to help you discover what you enjoy about sex, sexuality, sacred sex, solo sex and/or sexual interactions with others.
1. Complete the sentence “I enjoy ______.” 10 times (or more, if you feel inspired to do so). Be creative, e.g. use as many writing and colouring utensils as you can find: chalk, pastel, markers, crayons, pens of different colours!
2. From the list of things you enjoy, pick the one that stands out the most. If nothing stands out, choose your favourite or the one you consider the most edgy. Take a few deep breaths and reflect on the one you chose.
3. Describe the thing you chose in #2 above, for each of your five senses. Do this with as much detail as you can. Your descriptions don’t have to be literal; they can be symbolic, for example:
I enjoy Sunshine.
It tastes like warm melting butterscotch.
It sounds like a soft humming in my left ear.
It looks like the world is a brighter place.
It smells fresh and ripe.
It feels like a moment of complete freedom.
4. Referring back to the list in #1 above, ask yourself:
- Are all the things I enjoy an active part of my sex life or are there some that I rarely do?
- Which one(s) would be easiest to experience at least once in the next 30 days?
- How can I bring these things into my life in a fulfilling manner?
Remember: Our sexuality is just one part of the whole of who we are and our physical desires are just one part of this sexual self. You can do the above exercises for any aspect of your sexuality or any kind of pleasure, e.g. food, social, creative, learning, etc.
How Much Pleasure Can You Have?
The cliché is that practice makes perfect – well, there is no perfect to strive for but practice can be a whole lot of fun.
What’s the secret to fantastic sex? Perhaps it’s not really a secret just something yet to be learned. Tantrikas, Dakinis, Sexuality Coaches, Sexological Bodyworkers, Sacred Intimates and other sexuality practitioners are often perceived as knowing the hidden mysteries of great sex. They all started somewhere and so can you.
Whether you’re going solo or engaging sexually with other(s), exploring spiritual sexuality or focusing exclusively on physical pleasure, you can be more connected to yourself and your partner(s) – more connected to the sexual energy. No matter who you have sex with or how, new places can be reached through relaxation, breath, being present, and engaging the body in various ways.
Speaking of breath, are breath and energy orgasms for real?
(Yes! And you can have them too.)
- Use your breath to move energy and reach orgasm
- You can do this in many ways and everyone’s experience will look different. It is found in many teachings and it may take practice.
- This can be done solo or with others.
- Move the energy around your body.
- Move the energy away from your genitals.
- Into your heart or throughout your whole body up the center of your body (Some call this the Chakras or up the Kundalini)
- Share the energy with another.
- Use your intent, your hands, a lover’s tongue – be creative.
- Use the five revelations.
“I just love how my partner tastes.” “Oral sex is disgusting.” “My partner loves receiving oral so I love giving it.” “I don’t like oral so I don’t do it.” “It’s my favourite thing to do.” “It’s okay, but I like other things a lot more.”
We all enjoy oral sex to varying degrees. Read the rest of this entry »