The Importance of Communication

Role play and power play can be exciting and enjoyable ways to express one’s sexuality. More and more, BDSM and other kinds of “kinky sex” are becoming mainstream, and the popular mantra of “safe, sane and consensual” is fairly well-known. Last week, an Ontario Superior Court judge agreed with those cornerstones – particularly the third one.

In the court case, a woman in a dominant-submissive relationship had begged her husband to stop, he continued. The judge decided that this man in this case had sexually assaulted his wife because he didn’t adequately negotiate the scene beforehand. The details of the case highlight the importance of specific negotiations, clear and confirmed communication, responsibility of the initiator/dominant/”top”, and mutual agreement before engaging in any kind of sexual interaction – rough or not.  This is common sense to most, but clearly some people “forget” certain steps.

It’s a positive comment on the legal system that the determining question was one of consent, and not of what kind of sex play or relationships are acceptable.  In recent years, with other decisions such as legalizing sex clubs, the emphasis has also been more on the “how” than the “what” of sex. I hope this trend continues.

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